What Must Change
Before moving to specific areas of spiritual growth in the next chapter, it is helpful to look at several dimensions of each person’s life and how change may take place. In 1955, American psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham developed a diagram to describe how people relate to themselves and others. While this model has been used often in therapeutic or corporate leadership settings, it is very valuable for church leaders wishing to help their people grow and for the disciple who wishes to better understand who they are. The “Johari Window,” as it is commonly called, has four “spaces:”
Looking at the big picture of the Johari Window, the observer notices two people who are in relationship with one another. The “building” represents the life of the student. There are some dimensions in the student’s life which are visible to both the student and the leader (A). Other dimensions are visible only to the student or the teacher (B, C). And one dimension is not immediately visible to either (D). Each of these will be discussed in turn with brief discipleship exercises for the leader.
PUBLIC IMAGE (A)
A person’s “public image” is the picture of themselves they project for others to see. Every person is consciously particular about their public image. In fact, most people are very deliberate to shape, protect and promote a specific image they want others to see.
Sometimes, we refer to a person’s public image as a “façade”—a front or outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant reality. A businessman may seem generous in his community, but treat his employees unfairly, unkindly and without dignity. A teenager may appear confident and courageous, but may be really masking fear of being out of control. As a result, while our public image is the most frequent image people see, it’s not the most accurate.
Therefore, people should not be elevated to ministry leadership based only on an evaluation of their public image. God sent Samuel to anoint the next king over Israel and the prophet was quickly enamored with Jesse’s oldest son. But, the Lord warned him, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). People always present their “best side” and therefore, no leader should be appointed simply based on their public image. For this reason, Paul cautioned Timothy about being hasty “in the laying on of hands” (1 Timothy 5:22).
Recognizing the reality of a person’s public image is equally important for discipleship. How people present themselves may not be the true picture of who they are deep within. Judas gave every indication of being trustworthy until he betrayed Jesus. Ananias and his wife, Sapphira, seemed sacrificial and honest when, in fact, they were stingy and were hiding a lie (Acts 5). From the beginning, the devil “masquerades as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14), and those who fall into his temptation seek to cover up their sin (Genesis 3:7-8).
So, as one person disciples or mentors another, they must maintain an appropriate “skepticism” about where people really are on the spiritual pathway. This doesn’t mean the leader is judgmental, but that he or she understands that a façade may be covering a more unsightly reality. We help people, not by looking at the surface, but by digging deeper. Like the psalmist, we pray for ourselves and others, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).
EXERCISE: Discover your “public” life by asking 5-7 people who know you well to describe you only using five words. Gather the lists and reflect on the results. Which of these words please you? Which of them surprise you? Why?
PRIVATE LIFE (B)
A person’s “private life” is the part of their life they see, but others don’t perceive. It’s private because it’s known only to them. And, just as most people are very careful to promote their public image, they are equally careful to protect their private life.
There are several things hidden in the closet of a person’s private life. Unspoken hopes and dreams are there. As a college pastor, I met a number of students who were pursuing a career in particular field, not because they wanted to, but because it pleased their parents. Each of us has unspoken dreams, some unfulfilled. For me, I have had a short dream list: Publish a book, skydive at least once, and pray with a sitting President of the United States, to name a few. As interesting or absurd as any dream may be, it’s within the heart of a person and drives them.
Also hidden in the private life of a person are their personal fears and insecurities. Few people wish to appear weak, so they bury their fears deeply away from the eyes of others. People are afraid of failure, inadequacy, loneliness, loss of control, not knowing an answer, financial ruin, rejection, debilitating sickness and death, etc. Just as secret dreams drive a person, so secret fears can hold them back.
The most dangerous part of a person’s private life is their secret sin. David carried on an affair with Bathsheba, manipulated and murdered her husband and lied about his sin (2 Samuel 11). All of this was unknown to the people who only saw his public leadership. Similarly, God’s people today wrestle with habits and hang-ups left over from their old lives. While the reality of sin remains, our attempt to hide it can be devastating. Proverbs 28:13 warns, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper.” Through His prophet, God cautions,
Woe to those who go to great depths
to hide their plans from the LORD,
who do their work in darkness and think,
“Who sees us? Who will know?” (Isaiah 29:15)
So, while a person may successfully conceal their sin from others, they are “naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account” (Hebrews 4:13). The disciple must be aware of their tendency to hide their secret hopes, fears and sin, and, for their spiritual progress, bring into the light what has been kept in the dark.
EXERCISE: To explore your “private” life, ask yourself, “What is something I dream about which I have only told few people, if any?” or “What decisions would I make with my life if I were 100% confident of success?” or “What one thing is holding me back from greater spiritual progress?” These questions will help uncover the private life of the disciple.
BLIND SPOTS (C)
While driving an automobile, a driver must be very careful of “blind spots.” These are obscure areas near the back quarter panels of their car—over the driver’s left or right shoulders—where other cars, motorcycles or bicyclists might be riding, out of sight from the driver.
Everyone has blind spots in their personal life. These are areas of growth or development are visible to others, but not to the disciple. Blind spots are behaviors, personality traits, habits, speech patterns or attitudes which are “automatic.”
When I first started preaching, my wife would gently give me feedback after each sermon. On one Sunday, she humorously described my delivery as a “machine gun” approach to preaching. At first, I didn’t agree with her. I was blind and couldn’t see her perspective. It wasn’t until other friends shared the same criticism over several months that I had to accept the reality that I talk too fast.
During an annual review several years ago, my Elder Board shared several positive observations about my ministry. But, among the group of advisors, there was a common concern: I needed to delegate ministry instead of taking responsibility for everything. I was blind to this leadership deficiency and began to defend my practices. Eventually, I had to realize that my brothers could see something that I couldn’t.
Blind spots aren’t always negative. Sometimes, a person has positive qualities that are seen by others, but not by them. The person may be an exceptional servant or have the ability to attract followers. Perhaps they are a volunteer teacher who isn’t aware of the quality and impact of their lessons. I once counseled a young man who was being persecuted for his godly passion, and I noted that he demonstrated extraordinary patience and perseverance—qualities not always found in other believers. When leading disciples, it’s helpful to affirm how God has made them for ministry and for His glory.
Obviously, identifying positive or negative blind spots is crucial for personal growth. Every disciple needs friends who will gently and honestly point out what they cannot see for themselves. Leaders who help others discover their blind spots demonstrate concern, commitment, and courage, the indispensable virtues of leadership.
EXERCISE: As you grow deeper in your relationship with Jesus, ask yourself, “If there is something about your life which you could not see, but was preventing you from becoming what God wants you to be, would you want to know about it?” This question gives you an opportunity to take inventory of your willingness to mature. Two telling questions may follow: “Who do you trust to tell you the truth about your life, even if it’s difficult to hear?” and “If you learned something about your life that was preventing your spiritual maturity, would you be willing to address it?” If you’re willing, ask a trusted, spiritual friend if there are blind spots they see in your life which might be preventing you from growing.
UNKNOWN POTENTIAL (D)
This fourth section of the Johari Window is mysterious. It’s the part of the disciple’s life that is unknown to both the disciple and their leader. This section holds open the possibility that God may call a person to something unexpected or open a door of opportunity unanticipated. Neither Moses nor his Egyptian father would have guessed that he would become the deliverer to lead God’s people out of Egypt. Esther was surprised to learn that she would become a rescuer of the Jews. Paul never imagined that he would abandon his Jewish legalism and become an apostle to the Gentiles. Peter had no idea, casting his nets into the Sea of Galilee, that he would one day become a fisher of men.
Surely, God knows the plans He has for each person, even if we don’t:
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. (Jeremiah 1:5)
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)
In every discipleship relationship, the leader must imagine great potential for their apprentice.
They must never let present circumstances or limitations disqualify a disciple from God’s possible, future plans. Just as a 10-year-old cannot imagine that they will one day be closing real estate deals, so the young Christian may not be able to conceive of becoming a missionary, preaching a sermon or evangelizing their community one day. But, with God, all things are possible…and potential.
Going Public
It is not enough for the disciple to be aware of these four personal dimensions. The goal is for those areas which are obscure to become clear. As the disciple’s private life, blind spots and unknown potential are revealed, the disciple begins to live publically more of who they really are. This is an important step in spiritual transformation. This growing public image looks like this:
Notice that this growing public reality for the disciple doesn’t happen automatically. It is an intentional and cooperative effort between the disciple and a leader, pastor or friend in their community.
The disciple’s Private Life diminishes through “exposure.” That is, as the student is exposed to God’s truth, their sin is exposed before the Body. This isn’t for the purpose of shaming any Christian, but so that what is in the dark might be brought into the light. If you are a pastor, this raises an important question for you: Is your church a “safe” place where people may fail? Is your church a place for perfect people or is it a hospital for broken people who are getting healed? Is grace practiced among everyone? If so, believers will be more open to having their private life go public so that they may grow to maturity.
The disciple’s Blind Spots are revealed through feedback and coaching. This means that growing Christians must be in community in order to receive these kinds of constructive comments. Trust must be cultivated between relationships in order for a disciple to hear “hard truth” from a friend who reveals their blind spots. This raises more questions for the pastor reading this book: Does your church encourage biblical community where each Christian may be truly “known?” Are you and other leaders courageous in confronting sin within the church? Do you care enough about people to tell them hard truth? Do you as a leader set an example for receiving feedback from others?
The disciple’s Unknown Potential is revealed through discovery. Through trial and error and the gentle prodding of a leader, disciples stretch themselves in new experiences. I know several people who dared to travel to a foreign country on a short-term mission trip and learned that they possessed a deep desire to see the Gospel go to the nations. An older man was invited to serve in our children’s ministry and discovered that he was effective as a grandfatherly influence. In each case, the individual didn’t know they would find success until they ventured into uncharted territory. Once again, several questions are crucial for the pastor: Is your church a place where people are encouraged to take risks with no fear of reprimand if they fail? Does your church have an means for people to discover their spiritual gifts? Are you willing to allow young, untested or emerging leaders an opportunity to “test” their skills in preaching, teaching, evangelism, organization and pastoral care? Only in a safe environment with trusted leaders can disciples discover their hidden potential.
SUMMARY
No Christian should settle for incidental life transformation. Just as Jesus grew in wisdom and stature (Luke 2:52), so each believer must cooperate with the Holy Spirit for their own maturity. Those committed to spiritual growth must be mindful of the multiple dimensions of their life represented by the Johari Window: public image, private life, blind spots and unknown potential. The goal is for the disciple’s public image to become more and more of who they truly are, as the other dimensions diminish through personal, intentional growth.
TAKE THE NEXT STEP
- In what specific area can you point to the Holy Spirit’s work in your life, changing you over time?
- Name an area of your life where you identified a problem and made an intentional decision to take steps for change. What, specifically, did you do? How did you perceive God at work during this time?
- If you asked 5 friends to describe you, what words would they use to describe your “public image”? How true is this image to what is inside you, which few ever see?
- What private dreams do you have? What fears do you have?
- Without being judgmental, what “blind spots” have you seen in another person? What responsibility did you have to help them see their blind spots and begin moving toward life change?
- What is the most important thing you learned from this chapter?