When we first told people we were becoming foster parents, many people loved to tell us “that” story. The awful story they saw one time about foster care on the news, or perhaps the horror story they heard from their cousin’s friend about adoption. While we were appreciative of these people’s concern, I am so thankful we didn’t let these stories stop us from fostering or adopting. To think… we could have missed this.
We didn’t expect much from our village when we began fostering. We had recently birthed three kids very close in age and I assumed people were tired of throwing us showers and doing the “baby thing” with us. We quietly walked through training for foster care and adoption and didn’t make a big deal about our needs. We recognized that this was our family’s decision to follow what we knew God had called us to do and we didn’t want to burden anyone else.
A day after we excitedly completed our certification (and I kid you not, the very next day), we received a call at 6:30 p.m. about a baby who needed a temporary home. By 8:00 p.m., that precious baby boy was in our arms and our lives have never been the same. Within 24 hours of receiving him, our village rallied with 8 weeks worth of meals, gift cards, countless prayers and check-ins, and friends asking how they could get respite-certified so they could help babysit our foster son. Seeing the way our community rallied around a child they had never even met was all the proof I needed that while not everyone is called to adopt, (almost) everyone can, should, and wants to do something. Karen Purvis, the founder of TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention), beautifully says, “Not everyone should foster; not everyone should adopt, but it is in our DNA because it is in HIS DNA to care for the vulnerable. So ask, ‘What’s my piece?’”
After fostering this incredibly brave boy for almost a year, we were blessed to be able officially adopt him and forever call him our son. One of the greatest lessons the Lord so graciously taught us through this journey is that the Lord can restore all things, including the unmet needs of even the very smallest, meekest members of our population. A verse we clung to throughout our journey was 1 Peter 5:10: “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” He restored our son’s story by giving him a forever home after 13 months in a broken system.
I could write a novel of how our son has enriched our lives. He is a ray of sunshine to everyone he meets, and the Lord has mighty plans for his life. He restored our faith and took it to a depth I didn’t know was possible. We were all reminded that we are all broken people in need of restoration. To think, how quickly a poor decision could have turned our lives in a totally different direction, and it’s only by the grace of God that our family is on this side of foster care. While it was scary at first to open three young children’s eyes to witness firsthand some of the brokenness of this world, they now have a level of compassion that can only be cultivated through walking through hard situations like foster care and adoption. The way they loved our adopted son as their sibling from day one will forever be one of my favorite memories. The whole process has molded each of our children into image-bearers of Christ, and we have some of the hardest and darkest days of our foster care journey to thank for that. Adoption has humbled us all and showed us a life of grace and mercy we never would have known otherwise.
With almost half a million children in the foster care system, it would be easy to wrap this story up in a cute little bow and encourage every person to immediately sign themselves up to foster or adopt. In a country where we are sending more kids from the foster care system to prison than to college, losing the vulnerable to human trafficking, and then simply watching them repeat the cycle for their children, it's tempting to sugar-coat the reality just to get loving families to sign up. I would also love to be able to tell you that after you welcome a child in need into your home it’s all easy and fun, but we all know that isn’t true. The reality is, trauma doesn’t retire after adoption day. By no fault of their own, these kids are going to continue to struggle in different ways. The restoring and refining never ends for the adoptee or the adoptive family… which is why the sustaining strength from the Lord is critical with adoption.
We aren’t all called to foster or adopt, but we are all called to do something.
James 1:27 states, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” We are all called to care for the orphaned, the widowed, the vulnerable with whatever we have been given, and I want to challenge you to take action in your very own community. Donate clothes or gift cards to a local foster care closet. Google “local foster care organizations” and find out what their needs are. From diapers, to toys, to toiletries, I promise there are even the simplest of needs that can be met right in our own backyard. Volunteer to be a CASA or find a local mentoring program where you can mentor children in foster care. Text your friend who adopted a few years ago but has gone silent. Find out how you can be an encouragement to their family in their post-adoption journey. Offer to pay for a few counseling sessions or help them find a resource that can help both the adoptee and the family heal. Offer to babysit for a foster or adoptive family and allow the parents to enjoy a little self-care. The needs are endless, but so are the resources.
When I think back to those stories shared with us by well-meaning people that might have dissuaded us from choosing the path designed to enrich so many aspects of our family’s life, I’m thankful that the peace and confidence we were receiving from the Lord were louder. It’s so important to be wise and not naively walk into foster care and adoption, but it’s just as important to listen to the beautiful stories of restoration as well. We get to choose which voices we listen to. Surround yourself with a village who will support you regardless of how the story turns out. Our story is all things happy, hard, and humbling, and I always hope it inspires others to discern God’s call on their life to foster a child as well. If you’re considering foster care or adoption, hand it over to the Lord and allow him to show you what your piece is.