When I was in high school, I remember sitting in math class admiring the perfectly straight blonde hair of the girl sitting in front of me. I desperately wished I could be as beautiful as she was with her trim physique and flawless complexion. She seemed to have it all together and I felt awkwardly flawed in comparison. I was overweight, had frizzy brown hair and was desperately hoping the Accutane my dermatologist prescribed would quickly take effect and rescue me from the humiliation of my adolescent acne. Of course, it made matters worse that I failed geometry that year, as a result of my wasted class time spent comparing myself to a girl, I would never be able to measure up to.
I’d be lying if I said comparison was just a thing of my past. As an adult woman who is married, with children, I still struggle with the desire to perform, measure up, and win the approval of others.
However, I think the comparison we struggle with today, as women, is deeply rooted in our history. In biblical times it was commonplace for women and children not to be counted or mentioned by name. And yet today, thousands of years later, we as women are still to striving to live lives that count, and our culture determines if our lives are worthy of being counted based on three things: our appearance, our aptitude to perform, and our ability to meet the needs of others.
As a result, we are frequently judged by the appearance of our beachy curls that look like we just stepped out of the ocean or our bangs that resemble a good set of curtains, as well as our discernment in knowing whether to pluck, thread, soap, pencil in or bleach our eyebrows at any given time. Our value is determined by our ability to know where our husband’s sunglasses are, who took their vitamins this morning, and where everyone in the family should be at any given hour of the day as well as our determination to climb the corporate ladder while simultaneously and appropriately unschooling our children. Not to mention, our solemn commitment to eat a strict diet of only home-grown organic foods that we harvested in our backyards or were laid by our pet hens.
I’m being funny, but it’s a bit ridiculous, isn’t it? We know we can’t possibly measure up to these standards.
And as we wrestle with the painful realization that we aren’t enough, we are simultaneously told we need to rein it in because we are too much. We are told we are too emotional, we have too many issues, are far too needy, and create way too much drama.
This constant tug of war between being too much and not enough pushes and pulls us, ultimately propelling us into spiritual and mental breakdowns. In fact, this is by far the most common problem that women at our church seek counseling for, as they strive to measure up to the unrealistic standards that they or others place on them. Anxiety and depression begin to rear their ugly heads and feelings of worthlessness start to settle into their hearts.
It’s been said that comparison is a thief of joy. Think about it—when we work to measure up to the people around us, we spend our time and attention focusing on what we lack rather than rejoicing in what we have.
In Colossians 3:1-3, Paul exhorts believers to, “set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God” and to “set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” because “you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” In Colossians 3:5 he goes on to say, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature” as you “take off your old self with its practices and put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of Christ.” And as he concludes this section of scripture he reminds them, in Colossians 3:11, that “there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.”
Though this passage was written thousands of years ago, it still applies to us today, if we are followers of Jesus. We, who have put our faith in Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins, have been given a new life. His name is Jesus. He is our life now, and our new selves are hidden with Him in God!
This means Jesus alone is the source of our endless worth and eternal acceptance, not our fleshly ability to measure up to the worlds standards or the woman sitting next to us. In fact, comparing and competing against each other is foolishness. There is now nothing that identifies or distinguishes us from one another. Christ is all and is in all. Which means we are made one. We are now one body working together, in unison with Jesus, who is our life!
Related content
See also the “Beyond Compare” video from the 2023 Central Women’s Fall Gathering at Central Bible Church.