Biblical Counseling is all about connecting the counselee's life to God's story through the words of the Bible, the person of Jesus, and the work of the Holy Spirit. Although it may sound simple in theory, applying God's Word to a person's painful past or present suffering requires gentleness, patience, and wisdom.
Counseling is a process. It doesn't happen in one single session but rather it is a slow progression. It starts with understanding the counselee's story and develops into a long-suffering lamenting. That leads to the counselor connecting characters, themes, books, stories, and or passages from Scripture with the counselee's story. As the counselee finds his or her own story within the context of God's Word, they begin to see the bigger story of God at work in their life. The process then moves to a gravitation around the ultimate and defining story of the gospel. The counselee shifts his or her perspective from being the main character as they realize God has the leading role. With this new discovery comes a call to live one's life for God's Kingdom and not one's own.
Before a biblical counselor can rush in with the good news of God's story as the everlasting anchor and hope that the counselee needs, he or she must first take time to listen. You have likely heard it said, “No one cares what you know until they know that you care.” This sentiment has never been truer than in counseling. The quickest way to shut someone down from receiving your counsel is to rush them through their story, or worse yet interrupt their suffering to slap a verse onto their wound. The Bible is the ultimate good news and Jesus is the solution to all of life's problems, but when we trample over people's pain to in order to dispense that solution as quickly as we can, we cheapen it. God's story is intimately personal and is centered on a relationship. God is patiently pursuing your counselee through the suffering He has ordained in this season of their life so that they can meet Him there. Don't rush past the very thing He wants to use.
Once the counselor has taken ample time to hear the counselee's story, it is time to linger in the lament. After all, we are not called to stuff our emotions. No, the Bible says to “weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:5). This happens when we take time, pause, and allow silence. Then we can reflect back on the weight of what they are feeling by saying things like, “That's devastating,” “I can't imagine the heavy weight you must be feeling,” or “It sounds like you've lost hope.”
After taking time to linger and lament with the counselee, it's time for the counselor to bring hope and encouragement. This is an art, as you point to the truth of Scripture without being superficial or judgmental. When bringing hope to a counselee from the Word of God, the counselor works to focus the counselee's attention of who God is and not how the counselee needs to think or act differently. We are not aiming for behavior modification; the goal is life transformation by the grace and power of God alone.
The counselor may say something like, “Thank you for taking the time to share your story with me. I know that was hard to do and it took a lot of courage. After hearing your story, I can't help but see how God has been at work in your life all these years. I'm not saying your life has been easy and without pain. I know it hasn't been easy, but through all the hardships you have faced, like being bullied as a young child, having your dad walk out on you and your mom when you were in high school, and being hurt by friends in college who broke your trust, God has provided you with everything you have needed to become stronger in your faith. In fact, because of the suffering you have endured God has even given you the opportunity to witness to your co-workers and neighbors as they experience hardships like you have faced. It reminds me of a verse in Genesis that says, ‘As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.’” (Genesis 50:20, NASB)
Once the counselee has had time to share his or her story, lament, and receive encouragement, it's time to begin to connect his or her story to God's Story. Ultimately, we want to jump to the gospel because it is the most obvious and vital connection of our story to God's story, BUT first try to think of a story or passage in the Bible that relates to the struggle they are facing that brought them to counseling. Many have heard the gospel and have learned to tune it out, but most people who come to counseling don't see the Bible as relevant to their lives and struggles they are facing today. This is the first hurdle.
Sharing a story or passage from Scripture that connects with the counselee's story or struggle can help them see themselves in the Bible. This will enable them to see that the Bible is relevant to them today even though it was written so long ago.
As a counselor, you can do this by reading the story or passage out loud. Come to your session prepared with questions to ask the counselee that will allow them to interact with the passage without preaching it to them. What they discover on their own, by God's Spirit, will impact them more than any insights you try to teach them. Lead them to the truth you want them to discover by asking pointed questions.
The following is an example of leading someone to study inductively and make their own observations and interpretations, using Psalm 13 to connect with someone who feels detached from God amid their sorrow.
Read Psalm 13 and ask the following questions:
- Have you read this passage before? What are your initial thoughts or feelings as I read it out loud?
- The author of this Psalm is David. Do you relate to anything he says in this passage? If so, what specifically? How do you relate to those words? Have you felt that way before?
- Who is David talking to?
- Have you ever talked with God this type of honesty in your prayer time?
- What was David struggling with?
- Have you ever struggled with the same thoughts and feelings?
- Where was David looking for solutions?
- What was the result of this soul searching?
- What did he ask of God?
- Did God answer him?
- How does the Psalm end?
- What caused the shift that happened in verses 5 & 6?
- How did David’s heart change when he remembered God’s character and His deeds?
- Have you ever experienced a time in prayer when God shifted your attention from yourself and your circumstances to God's sovereignty and goodness?
The final transition is to help the counselee understand that God IS the big story. He is the one with the leading role, not them. Ultimately, it's His story that everything centers on. The most obvious first step of this transition is sharing or reminding them of the gospel story. Even believers need to be reminded of the gospel story. It is our very foundation and identity, yet we often forget its power. Help the counselee to understand that their peace, comfort, identity, and satisfaction can only be found in God, and the aim of their life should be to live a life that glorifies Him amid trouble and hardship, blessings and beauty.
Show them, in Scripture, that God is sovereign, has a plan, and can be trusted with all that they face in this life. In fact, James says God uses our trials to grow and mature us—giving us a gift that can only be obtained through suffering (James 1:2-4). End by exhorting them to live for God's Kingdom and not their own, considering others above themselves and giving away their lives to love, serve, and share the gospel with those around them, in order to glorify God.