But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb. – 1 Samuel 1:5
Two times in the story of Hannah, the Bible mentions that “the LORD had closed her womb.” Think about that: God purposely chose to make her infertile. We know from Scripture that Hannah was a woman who honored God. Was He punishing her? Was it random? Did He reject Hannah or her prayers?
Hannah might have thought so. Imagine how life looked from her vantage point. Her husband had another wife who kept having children while she could not, in a culture where a woman’s perceived worth was often tied to her ability to provide an heir. Her “rival wife” Peninnah “kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat” (1 Samuel 1:6-7).
As someone who has been through a relatively short season of infertility, and longer seasons of waiting on other things, I have long related to Hannah. She likely felt overlooked by God, or even shunned by Him. She may have thought God favored her “rival wife” Peninnah over her, despite Peninnah’s cruelty and her own trust in Him and devotion to Him. And this was not a problem she only faced once a year. Her childlessness was an inescapable truth—a constantly noticeable part of her life every single day. For years.
And yet, God had a greater plan for Hannah. Yes, Hannah did have children—Samuel and quite a few more (1 Samuel 2:21)! But only because of her infertility did she weep and pray at the house of the Lord, in so much anguish that she sounded drunk (1 Samuel 1:9-18). Only because of her infertility did she offer her firstborn child to the Lord, to be raised and trained in the house of the Lord (1 Samuel 1:11), where he would learn to hear from God directly (1 Samuel 3:7-10). Only because of that did he become Israel’s last judge and a great prophet (1 Samuel 3:19), who would anoint the people’s first two kings (1 Samuel 10:1; 1 Samuel 16:13), including the one with an everlasting dynasty from which the Messiah would come (2 Samuel 7:8-16)!
Only because of Hannah’s long wait did she become an author of Scripture through her poetic prayer (1 Samuel 2:1-10), which also helped to inspire and inform Mary’s Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55). And only after she died and went to dwell with God could she have even found out she was memorialized in Scripture, and still inspiring generations of God’s people thousands of years later.
So often, our lack of what we have prayed for makes us suspect or conclude that God has rejected us, or has no good plans for us. Yet Hannah’s story gives us reason to hope that if He is making us wait while we seek Him, grow in Him, and give Him glory, it may be an act of love and an outworking of His everlasting goodness, in order to bring much better things out of our wait (Hebrews 10:23).
In his book The Deeply Formed Life, pastor Rich Villodas writes that Jesus “rested in a tomb after being crucified. But as he rested, the world was being renewed; as he rested, the world was being restored; and as he rested, the world was about to see resurrection.” What a hard but thrilling concept to wrap our heads around! Even when it looks like everything is over and nothing is happening, or even could happen anymore, God may be exchanging pain and loss and failure for newness and a fuller expression of His glory.
By the time you see the answer to your prayer, God has already been working in the waiting to bring about that answer.
The destination is not the only important part. The birth of Samuel was important, as were his life and legacy. The resurrection was crucial, as the work of the kingdom has been since then. And yet, what happened before all that was a vital part of the story. God was developing people and setting things in motion not only before Samuel was born and before Jesus was crucified, but even before Hannah was born, or Jesus was born on earth.
It mattered that Joseph, in Genesis, saved Israel and Egypt from famine (Genesis 50:20), but Joseph’s life also mattered when he was growing up with his jealous brothers, waiting in slavery in Potiphar’s house, and being continually spiritually formed in the dungeon of Pharaoh’s palace. Joseph must have felt he was in a holding pattern for years, but his life was not less important to God or God’s plan before he was raised to rule and rescue others in later years. If we only watched the ending of a movie, it wouldn’t carry as much weight without the rest of the story. The redemption and “happy ending” are all the more glorious because of the whole journey.
Even when we’ve despaired of hope that things will ever change, God is going before us and is with us in our waiting (Deuteronomy 31:8). And often, even after years go by, God redeems the hardships of this world in ways we could never anticipate:
For when you did awesome things that we did not expect,
you came down, and the mountains trembled before you.
Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. (Isaiah 63:3-4)
If your prayers seem to go unanswered, or God has seemingly called you to a closed door, or years have gone by and you’re facing the same frustrations, don’t assume God is done. He is always working (John 5:17). His plans are bigger than ours, affecting His whole kingdom as He carries out His purposes. Keep seeking Him. Keep letting Him transform you as you wait on Him. Keep going, like Hannah, to pour out your troubles before God in prayer. Sometimes the greatest work occurs behind closed doors.
Remember the words of Jesus to Martha in John 11:40, right before He raised Lazarus from the dead after four days, when Martha had yet to see “the rest of the story”: “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
Believe in God: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Trust Him even when the lights are out and it looks like everyone has gone home. It may be in heaven that you see it, or you may get a glimpse of it here on earth, but somewhere, somehow, Jesus’ words will prove true: “…if you believe, you will see the glory of God.”
A prayer: Thank You, Lord, for what You are doing through my wait and what You going to do in the situations I am praying about and what will follow!
Give me strength to hold on when I feel forgotten or assume You’ve said no to my prayers. Remind me that You will never leave or forsake me, that You also weep to see my affliction (Isaiah 63:9), and that You are with me always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20).
Give me fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11) and peace as I anticipate the glory I will see someday. Help me know and experience Your love, that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of You (Ephesians 3:19)!
In the mighty and precious name of Jesus I pray, Amen.