I was the “official” ball boy for the varsity soccer team when I was in 5th grade. The team was in the playoffs, so our school sent a fan bus to cheer for the team. I was on that bus and it was packed with loud and crazy students who wanted to cheer our team to victory. I was sitting about five rows from the back. A kid named Tim was sitting on the very back row, annoying everybody. Tim was picking foam out of the ripped seat in front of him and throwing it at me. I threw a piece back at him and told him to stop. He didn’t and things escalated. At some point, we started throwing names back and forth. “You stupid jerk!” “No! you’re a jerk!” “Well, you’re an idiot!” “You are!” “No, you are!” “You are!” It was an epic battle of words.
But then Tim said something that took the battle to another level. I had just called him an idiot or something and then he lobbed a grenade. Tim said, “Your daddy!”
Time stood still. I turned and gave him the Clint Eastwood “Dirty Harry” staredown and said, “What did you say, punk?” (not exactly my words, but something like that). He replied with this smart-alec voice, “Your daddy!”
You don’t go there. I stood up…everything was in slow motion…walked to the back of the bus. Footsteps heavy with the weight of my indignation. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Remember: I’m in 5th grade and weigh about sixty-five pounds. Tim failed a grade or two, and he literally outweighed me by a hundred pounds. That didn’t matter. He crossed the line. Them’s fightin’ words!
I stood over Tim, who was still sitting, and said very deliberately and clear, “You don’t talk about my daddy.” Tim looked at me and said, “Your daddy!”
He barely got the words out before my fists started flying. Somehow, I ended up bent over, below his head, and I was whaling on his belly as hard as I could, but I don’t think he felt a thing. He pounded my head and back and it was like a tornado of fists and spit and yelling…kids are cheering…and it lasted about 5 seconds. People were pulling us apart and I was grabbing and clawing at him, yelling, “You don’t talk about my daddy!”
I am not advocating violence, but before that day, I didn’t know where my “line” was. Tim helped me find it. You can talk about me, but you better not talk about my daddy. You better not talk about my family.
I think that ought to be every man’s line.
I’m not talking about punching people who make fun of your family. I’m talking about defending your family relationships—defending them from any threat that might come against them. Are you ready to stand up and against any foe that comes your way when it comes to protecting your family? Are you willing to step up and stare the real enemies in the face and say, “Them’s fightin’ words!”
Families are under attack. Marriage is under attack. Children are under attack.
There is a real enemy who hates us, hates our families, and wants to divide and conquer. Satan and demonic forces. Ephesians 6:12 could not be more clear, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
The enemy is violent, destructive, subtle, crafty and seductive. He uses this broken and distorted worldly system to warp and twist the truth and to distort the truth of who God is and how families should work in God’s economy. He will use whatever means possible to pull husbands away from their wives, dads and moms aways from their children. He doesn’t just want to destroy you; he has a target on every member of your family and future generations!
There is another threat to your family. It’s you. I should be more specific. It’s the flesh, otherwise known as the sinful nature. We have to recognize this threat within us and fight against it. Romans 6:6 says, “We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin.” Are you willing to stand against this threat?
Satan, the ungodly world, and our rebellious flesh have crossed the line! It’s time to say enough is enough and do something about it. Stand up against the attack.
So how do we fight the real enemies and take a stand for our families? I want to suggest these three things.
- Walk with God daily.
- Walk with your family daily.
- Walk with God and your family together.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
This passage is the foundation of my three points. These three practices will equip you to fight against the threats against you and your family.
Walk with God daily.
“These things are to be upon your heart.” —Deuteronomy 6:6
The enemy wants you to fail because if you are defeated, your marriage and your family are more vulnerable. To fight for your family, you must walk with God daily.
I know it sounds simple and basic, but it can be challenging in practice. You’ve got to see this as one of the most critical and important things you can do in life and for eternity. To walk with God daily means to have a consistent and growing relationship with Him. Daily time with God means discipline. I need more discipline in this area and you do, too.
What if you didn’t have to “try” to spend time with God? What if it was just as regular and natural as brushing your teeth in the morning or tying your shoes? What if time in God’s Word and in prayer became a habit? Once something becomes a habit, your brain can actually downshift.
I want to recommend a book called Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science by Drew Dyck. I read this book in 2021 because I needed help in developing more self-control and discipline in my life. One area that has plagued me for years has been inconsistency in God’s Word. I was in the Bible irregularly and sporadically. I saw the connection between my lack of discipline in my time with God and other struggles in my marriage and family. This book helped me develop godly habits and my marriage and family have benefitted greatly.
Joshua 1:8 says, “You shall meditate therein day and night…do all that is written therein…then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall have good success.”
Develop the good and godly habit of spending time with God in His Word and in prayer. But as you develop good and godly habits, you also need to get rid of ungodly and unhealthy habits that hinder your relationship with God and inevitably your family relationships.
Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.”
Psalm 139:23-24 says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”
What is tangling you up in your walk with God? You may already know but ask God to show you. He knows you best and He will show you if you spend time with Him.
Once you identify the hindrance, confess it, repent from it, and get the support you need to stay free. Celebrate Recovery is an amazing ministry to help people walk in freedom. Meet with a pastor or counselor for help. Find a godly brother in Christ you can talk to. Find a mentor or someone to disciple you. So…walk with God daily!
Second…walk with your family daily.
Look at verse 7 in Deuteronomy 6. “When you lie down, when you rise up, when you walk along the road.” You can’t have healthy relationships with people you hardly spend time with. If you feel like your relationship with your spouse or kids is lacking, look at your calendar and your daily schedule, and assess how much time you’ve been spending with them, not just living in the same house with them. Be intentional and take initiative. Schedule time but also look for spontaneous opportunities. Learn the skill of hanging out with your wife and kids. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder; it kills relationships.
Don’t buy into the “quality time” myth. Spend as much time as you can with your family. Never stop studying and growing in your relationship with your wife and kids. You should be an expert in those you care about the most and you can only do that if you spend time with them. Become a PhD in your wife. Don’t stop dating your wife. Do the same with your kids. Grow in your friendship with her and your kids.
The best time to develop this is when you have small children. When they are young, they think you hung the moon. You are their hero. When they hit their teen years, you might see a change in their disposition towards you. But don’t be discouraged. Whether your kids are 2, 12, 22, or 32, start spending more time with them.
Someone once said, “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is today.”
Make time with dad an adventure. Pay attention and talk about what they are interested in. Don’t try to force deep, spiritual conversations. Learn about the things they care about and talk about that. Those talks set the stage for us to have deeper talks. And look for ways to identify with them and weave your relationship with God into those conversations.
Start a group text with your wife and kids. Text your wife daily and your kids individually. Stay involved in their daily life.
One final suggestion about walking with your family daily…deal with unresolved conflicts and offenses quickly and biblically. Practice confession and repentance. When we sin, we confess our sins to God for forgiveness. I John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.” After that, we are called to be reconciled to those we’ve harmed and sinned against. Matthew 5:23-24 says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
It’s not enough to be right with God. Go and get right with your family members. Unconfessed sin leads to unreconciled relationships. The starting point is confession, but the amends making is called repentance. Don’t rationalize this. If you know you have hurt your family member, wife or child, go to them in humility and confess it to them. Time does not heal relational wounds! It only separates the person from the event and the wound goes with them. It often festers over time like an infection.
Don’t let your pride destroy your family. Pride kills. Remember Jonah 2:4, “Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” So, walk with your family daily. This is like fertile soil where spiritual seeds take root.
And finally…walk with God and your family together.
Bring those two relationships together. Don’t compartmentalize.
Again, Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says, “ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
Incorporate your faith into every relationship. Pray with your wife and your children. Listen to what your wife and kids are saying and turn those into prayers. Talk about God and godly things together. Discuss the Sunday sermon or other lessons after church. Share with your wife and children what you learned in your time with God, and don’t always be the hero of your stories. Share your struggles, too, and they will be drawn to you. Read God’s Word together. Read spiritual books together.
If you don't currently have any kids, seek out opportunities to be a spiritual influence and mentor to someone. You may not be married now, but keep these things in mind. You may use them with nephews or siblings. Remember: you do your part and God will do His part.
I Corinthians 3:6, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.”
God gives the increase. Trust God to do His part. Don’t expect radical life change to take place after a week or a month. Have the long view in your sights. And don’t ever think that you’ve missed your opportunity. Check your pulse. If you still have one, then you have an opportunity to walk with God daily, walk with your family daily and walk with God and your family daily.
Questions to reflect on:
- What godly habits do you believe God would have you develop in your life to strengthen your relationship with your wife, kids or family in general?
- What unhealthy habits are hindering your relationship with your family members?
- What are you willing to do to address these unhealthy habits?
- What is one way that you can bring your relationship with God and your relationship with your family together?