Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6
One of the primary concerns I've had as a student pastor deals with the topic of preparedness. Are the students who graduate prepared for college? As much as it concerns me, I’ve learned I have a very small role in the answer to this question. Writing this article one month before most our seniors are graduating might seem a little futile, but my hope is that it will be a guide for future graduates and parents.
- Invest Time and Resources in Apologetics for Teens
Sometimes we think of apologetics as two PhDs on opposite sides of the line debating about the existence of God on a university stage. While this may be one way that we can see apologetics training played out, it is not necessarily what I’m advocating. Apologetics is the science and understanding of how to defend your faith. There are a myriad of books that speak to this topic. Many books are very general in their defense, talking about the existence of God, the origin of the universe, the veracity of the life, death and resurrection of Christ. But there are also many books that are more specific, detailing how to defend your faith against a Muslim or Mormon or a follower of any other religion.
These books are not all academic and difficult to understand. Some are certainly very scholarly, and can be more difficult to understand, but many are written for the non-academic. Written in an easy to understand format designed to help the reader understand the significance of the arguments we have to defend the faith. I have found that these are specifically helpful for teenagers:
Ten Questions Every Teen Should Ask (and Answer) about Christianity
The Case for Christ: A Journalist’s Personal Investigation of the Evidence for Jesus
True for You, But Not for Me: Overcoming Objections to Christian Faith
Cold-Case Christianity: A Homicide Detective Investigates the Claims of the Gospel
Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions
- Cultivate a Relationship with Your Teen Outside of the Normal
It might seem counterintuitive to seek out a deeper relationship with your teen as they prepare to leave the nest. The fact of the matter is that after graduation, they will be more independent, for better or for worse. It used to be common for parents to toss their kids in the deep end of the pool after graduation and watch them learn how to swim. Those days are fading if not gone altogether. The age of adolescence is creeping higher than it has ever been. What this means is that teens are not fully developed mentally, emotionally and socially at 18 or 19 on average. Now, when teens are tossed in the “deep end,” many of them are drowning emotionally, mentally, or socially.
For this reason, it is vital that parents not “check out” when their kids go to college. The fact of the matter is that graduates still need their parents, arguably more than ever.
I would suggest investing deeply into the relationship with your graduate very intentionally in their last two years of high school, preparing them to be on their own but still connected to home.
Go camping. Travel someplace special. Have a standing weekly/monthly dinner out. Go fishing. Hold a monthly game night. Find something you want to do together and spend time together deepening your relationship. Hint: If you pick something they like to do, it will go better than picking something you want them to do.
- Visit Churches on your College Visits
It’s typical to visit colleges, but little thought is given to where your son or daughter will go to church. In my experience graduates will take the path of least resistance with regard to church. No one wants to be the person in the room that no one knows. College is already hard enough, why add to it the anxiety of going to a church that’s not your home church? Statistically, 60% of students who graduate from high school and were attending church during high school years stop attending church altogether. These stats are also pre-COVID. I can guarantee you the number is much higher now.
Therefore, let me encourage you to start planning with your teens where they could go to church. Visit the church when you go visit the college. Talk to the college pastor. Fill out a visitor form. See if it’s a good fit! It will go a long way.
- Establish Accountability
There is nothing wrong with holding your teen accountable. You’ve most likely done it all through their childhood. But the notion that they somehow don’t need accountability is common, albeit unfounded. The truth of the matter is that we all need accountability. Maybe you as the parent are not the best one to offer that to your teen, but you can certainly ask that they be accountable to someone other than their peers. I’m a youth pastor and I would love to be an accountability partner to any graduate who would like to be accountable for their walk with the Lord.
I encourage you to have a talk with your daughter/son and encourage them to find an accountability partner and perhaps more than one. I also encourage you to be vulnerable and transparent to a certain degree with them. Help them to understand our need for accountability at all stages of life. College is such a crucial time, it’s silly to try to do it alone. There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors (Proverbs 15:22).
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