DISCIPLINE #2
A Commitment to Personal Prayer
While I have forgotten the source, I have not forgotten a quote that I learned very early in my Christian journey: “If I ever wanted to humble anyone, I should ask him about his prayers.” While prayer comes very easily to some leaders, prayer has been a more difficult discipline of my spiritual life. But, it has also been the most indispensable. Prayer is how the Christian leader stays connected to the heart of God. Through His Word, God speaks to man. But, through prayer, man dialogues with God. One pastor described prayer as throwing a boat hook to a dock. In doing so, the sailor doesn’t pull the dock to the boat; he pulls the boat toward the dock. Prayer is throwing a line to God and aligning ourselves with Him. Devotional writer Oswald Chambers notes,
Prayer is not a normal part of the life of the natural man. We hear it said that a person’s life will suffer if he doesn’t pray, but I question that. What will suffer is the life of the Son of God in him, which is nourished not by food, but by prayer. When a person is born again from above, the life of the Son of God is born in him, and he can either starve or nourish that life. Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished. Our common ideas regarding prayer are not found in the New Testament. We look upon prayer simply as a means of getting things for ourselves, but the biblical purpose of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself. (My Utmost for His Highest, August 28 entry)
I am encouraged by the story of Jesus praying in a certain place when He was approached by His disciples. They said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray” (Luke 11:1). This means that even those closest to Jesus needed to learn how to pray or how to pray better. Jesus didn’t criticize them or dismiss their request. He taught them a fundamental formula in the Lord’s Prayer (Luke 11:2-4 and Matthew 6:9-13). Prayer includes:
- Worship—We begin with exaltation of God and gratitude for His blessings
- Submission—We express a desire for God’s kingdom and His will
- Confession—We humbly acknowledge our humanity and shortcomings
- Request—We ask for “daily bread” and protection from the enemy
The effective pastor “prays without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). He prays before he studies God’s Word, and he prays before preaching to his congregation. He prays for effectiveness in evangelism and prays for an attractive witness with outsiders. He prays for the spiritual growth of his people and prays against spiritual warfare that could hinder his church’s effectiveness. He prays for marriages, for the sick, for those shackled by sin and for God’s truth to prevail in all circumstances. The pastor prays for volunteer servants in the church and for more workers to be sent into the missional harvest fields. He prays for himself, his children and his family.
DISCIPLINE #3
A Commitment to Rest
Ministry is hard work. Leading a church is physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally and spiritually exhausting. More than a few pastors have repeated the words of Jesus, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” Paul detailed his missionary challenges for his friends in Corinth:
Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. (2 Corinthians 11:24-28)
Many ministry leaders can identify with his description: worked, beaten, exposed, constantly on the move, danger, false brothers, labored, toiled, sleepless, hunger, thirst, cold, naked, concern. It wasn’t just the apostle’s physical challenges, but the pressure for the churches (v. 28) that made his ministry difficult. Given his and our pressures, it is vital that the leader learn the importance of finding rest.
When Jesus’ disciples returned from their ministry of preaching, healing, and demonic encounters, they reported to Jesus everything that had taken place. The Bible states that there was such a large crowd that Jesus’ followers couldn’t even get something to eat. So, Jesus said to them, “Come with me, by yourselves, to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:31). They needed to retreat from the pressure of ministry, get alone with Jesus and relax. If Jesus and His disciples needed a time of refreshment, how much more the ministry leader today!
The pastor must have a day each week that is devoted to a Sabbath retreat. No study, no telephones, no meetings, no worries. Get away to a quiet place and rest with Jesus.
Personal rejuvenation isn’t the only reason the pastor should practice a Sabbath. There is also a spiritual reason. On the seventh day of creation, God rested. The purpose of this Sabbath wasn’t for physical rejuvenation (obviously, God wasn’t tired), but to teach an important spiritual lesson about divine power and human dependence. For six days, the Lord worked and creation happened. When God rested, everything stopped, proving that everything comes from Him. God gives all men “life and breath and everything else” (Acts 17:25).
The older we get and more advanced we become as people and communities, the more self-sufficient we think ourselves to be. Many pastors have been known to say “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.” The Sabbath reminds us of our total dependence on God. This is why the Sabbath “was made for man” (Mark 2:27)—to help God’s people remember that God is the source of every success, of every accomplishment, and of every new thing, not us. The Sabbath puts us humbly “inoperative,” trusting that they have permission to “be still” and yet the Lord will still “be exalted among the nations” (Psalm 46:10). It’s the pastor’s way of affirming that God is the vine and we are His branches and apart from God, we can do nothing (John 15:5).
DISCIPLINE #4
A Commitment to Family
If a pastor has a family, his wife and children are his “closest disciples.” They are a priority in all of his ministry. Some have misapplied Jesus’ words in Luke 14:26—“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple”—to allow for family neglect for the sake of ministry. But Jesus was using an extreme example to emphasize the disciple’s devotion to Him, not ministry.
God’s first institutions were marriage and family. Through the growth of the family, God grows His Kingdom. The family has a key place in God’s plans. Even Jesus, as He was dying, looked out for the welfare of His mother and urged the apostle John to care for her (see John 19:25-27). Later, Paul taught Timothy, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). So, it would be a contradiction for the Christian leader to neglect his family for the sake of the church.
Because one of the qualifications for pastor is the ability to manage his family well (1 Timothy 3:4), the pastor must give special attention to this area. Five recommendations are offered:
Invest in your marriage. Your wife is a helpmate given to you from God. She is uniquely fitted to you. She makes you better as a husband, father, pastor and leader. Love her as Jesus Christ loved His church (Ephesians 5:25) every day, making your marriage a parable of the Gospel. This means your love for her is unconditional, unselfish and unlimited. Give her your best time. Honor her before your congregation.
Bless her frequently. Martin Luther preached, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave."
Make time for your children. Too many children raised in ministry families have grown up to despise the church. The reason is twofold: Ministry parents gave to the church what they never gave to their children and children were not free to be themselves in church. For this reason, it’s not uncommon for a pastor’s children to rebel against church and family as they grow older. The pastor/father can prevent some of this by choosing to make his children a priority. God’s plan is not for mothers to be the only spiritual, emotional, relational and cultural influence of their children. The father shares equal responsibility. Teach your children, pray with them and stay connected to their life outside of church. Affirm their ability to learn math, their athletic strength or their love for dancing. If your children have confidence that you love them as they are, they will be less likely to hate the church.
Don’t force your family into spiritual things. Every pastor wants to succeed in his role, and many believe their family is the proof of their success. The result is that many pastors push their families into spiritual growth rather than lead them. They insist on certain, strict standards of behavior. They demand that their family be present at church at every opportunity. They require performance in Bible class, leadership positions, choir and even ministry calling. The purpose is not to cultivate spiritual maturity in their children, but to present a picture of a pastor who has succeeded in raising his family.
But, those who lead don’t have to push.
Remember that you are a shepherd to your family—not a king, a sergeant or a commander. God has called you to guide, protect and pursue your family. Don’t push them into spiritual maturity; lead them. Allow your family to discover God according to their unique personalities, talents and gifts. Don’t demand more of them than God demands of you.
Model a healthy relationship with God. If parenting were simply teaching or telling, every family would have perfect children. But parenting (and discipleship more specifically) is more about modeling. Show your family how to grow in their relationships with God. Model how to love God’s Word. Model personal prayer. Model the importance of rest. Model generosity, hospitality and kindness. Your family may not hear what you say, but they will watch what you do.
Extend amazing grace. Because of the pressure to prove their parenting
effectiveness, pastors are often the strictest parents in their church. However, none of us were ever attracted to Jesus because of rules. We were attracted by His beautiful grace. He didn’t give us what we deserved, but an unmerited gift. While a pastor sets a high standard for his family, he extends grace. He is patient, giving and forgiving. He is the human example to his family of what God is to all of us.
SO WHAT?
The implication of the above is obvious: “You cannot lead people any further than you are willing to go yourself.”
The pastor must take care of himself before he can take care of others. This requires regular attention to the Word of God, reading, meditating on it and memorizing it for later use. The Bible is the sharpest tool for ministry.
And, without a daily discovery of truth, the pastor will be left with nothing more than personal opinions, cultural ideas and borrowed sermons. As we “get into” God’s Word, it “gets into” us to shape and sharpen our ministry.
Similarly, prayer is essential for the ministry leader. If we claim to speak for God, we must have a frequent connection to God, sometimes speaking and sometimes listening. In fact, the pastor who is disciplined in the Word and prayer will be far more effective than the pastor who has neither, but has a formal theological education and has read hundreds of books to develop ministry skills. Prayer is absolutely foundational to ministry and will make the biggest difference in the church.
The pastor’s attention to rest has both personal and corporate benefits. Personally, the pastor who rests is more helpful to their people. They have more energy. They are renewed. They are content. They have fresh ideas. They have a sweeter dependence on the Lord. In contrast, pastors who take little rest are tired, burdened, disillusioned, cynical and often focused on their own accomplishments. The success of their ministry is based on what they can do rather than based on what God has already done.
The pastor’s Sabbath is also a model for their people. By protecting their rest and family time, they teach their people the importance of resting and investing in meaningful relationships. They teach, by their lives, that it is good to stop working and trust in the Lord for what we need. This builds healthy families, healthy churches and healthy communities.
TAKE THE NEXT STEP
- Which of the statistics at the beginning of this chapter might be true for you? What can you do to prevent yourself from becoming a ministry statistic?
- Of the three commitments to God’s Word—reading, meditating or memorizing—which one is most difficult for you? In the next 30 days, begin using the 3 Living Questions in your devotional time, take some time to practice the discipline of meditation, and write a list of 10 key verses to memorize for your ministry.
- Is prayer simple/natural or difficult for you? Why? Who do you know who is effective in prayer (James 5:16)? Talk with them and ask them to teach you more about prayer.
- When do you observe a Sabbath? How can you make your Sabbath a “holy day” (set apart from other days) unto the Lord?
- How would your wife and/or children describe your commitment to them compared to your commitment to ministry? What changes might you make to invest in your marriage, make time for your children, lead your family spiritually, model a healthy relationship with God and extend amazing grace?
- What is the most important thing you learned from this chapter?